Anxiety Closet

Anxiety: an unpleasant feeling that is typically associated with uneasiness, apprehension, fear, or worry.

I have problems.

I mean, I don't have to blow into a brown paper bag every time I step into an elevator or wash my hands every time I touch a door handle. But I have issues. Social issues. I've discovered three of them in recent months. They have to do with HOMETOWN GROCERY STORES, WEDDING RECEPTIONS, AND PHONES.

I want to wear a ski mask every time I walk into a grocery store in my hometown. I kid not. Now that I've lived away for more than eight years, somehow the prospect of running into people that I knew way back when gives me anxiety. It's not that I don't like the people I grew up with. It's not that I got knocked up as a teenager, ran away from home, and now I'm afraid to lurk back into suburbia with my skeletons clinging to my sneakers. I've lived a pretty normal life, so I shouldn't be so afraid of running into people. Maybe I'm afraid I'll run into someone whose name I don't remember or vice versa. Or maybe it's that my new-found Grenadian granola girl hairstyle doesn't compete with all of the Utah girls who go to Albertson's in stilettos and eyeliner. Whatever the case, this is the first thing I need to bring up with a potential therapist.

Does anyone else hate going to wedding receptions for people they don't even know? I swear every time I come home my mom tries to drag me to some random wedding reception. As the aforementioned definition explains, this situation gives me a severely unpleasant feeling. Last night after my dad refused to play rock, paper, scissors to decide who was going to the reception with my mom, I literally hid in the basement. I hid in the closet reading a book while my mom called for me at the top of the stairs. (I shouldn't be admitting this) I felt a thrill of excitement as I sensed her retreat and eventually heard her step out the door without her hostage escort. Wedding receptions give me anxiety.

The granddaddy of my social issues is telephones. I don't know when this started. I don't know why, but whenever my cell phone rings I tinkle just a little. My heart races, I pretend to not hear it buzzing, and then I almost always let it go to voice-mail. If it's someone I know, I call back five minutes later. Somehow this makes me feel in control of the situation. I'm making the call - initiating the conversation. They can't possibly spring something on me that I'm not expecting - sudden death in the family, last minute babysitter needed, meeting at the Pentagon, etc. The list goes on and on. So my dear friends, if I don't answer your phone call rest assured I will call you back. If I legitimately didn't see your call (which happens a lot), I'll call you back as soon as I get your message.

Don't be offended by my social issues.

Can you share some of yours so I don't feel like such a weirdee?

If your anxiety slate is clean, can you refer me to a therapist?

Thank you,

Ash