Aware
I really will stop talking about my miscarriage at some point...I promise. But tonight I wanted to write about some thoughts I've been having about healing. I've been reflecting about two things I'm grateful for - two huge blessings that I was given as ways to heal and move forward.
About a month and a half after my miscarriage, my sweet friend in our ward asked if I could possibly babysit her little girls just two or three times a week while she worked. I was slightly hesitant, but I decided that it would be a positive thing for me to stay busy while I continued to look for long-term employment. I didn't really comprehend what a huge part of my healing this babysitting gig would be.
Her two little ones are the cutest children you'll ever meet in your life. Her chubby eighteen month old is full of giggles, snuggles, and laughter. Every time I buzz at the door, she toddles over and yelps from the other side, "Ashee! Ashee!" No matter where I'm sitting, she quickly finds me, turns her backside to me, and slowly backs up her cute bum until it safely rests on my lap. She's the happiest little person I've ever seen. Her four year old sister is just as sweet - creative, sassy, fun, and so so tender-hearted. We had lots of fun making play stores with fake money and items for sale, baking cookies, having dance parties in the living room, and going for lots of nature hunts. It dawned on me one day while the littlest was sitting with me on the couch watching Disney Jr. and being particularly snugly, that I wasn't as sad as I was several weeks before. I realized what a gift I'd been given. These little girls that I'd grown to love like my own nieces, had brought so much love and laughter to my broken heart. They made me feel like everything was going to be ok and while I anxiously wait for my own children, I realized that part of my mission in this life is to be a loving influence in the lives of my friend's children.
Several weeks later, my bishop informed me of an open position at his company. It was a field that frankly I haven't had much experience in, so I was hesitant about whether I'd be interested in the job. But as I submitted my resume and proceeded with several interviews, I got more and more excited about this new challenge. A week ago I was offered the position and my first day is tomorrow. I am of course feeling the normal anxieties and insecurities that usually plague me when embarking on new journeys, but I feel a sense of excitement about the future that I haven't felt in a while. I have no idea what successes, failures, joys and sorrows are in my future. I do know, however, that God is personally aware of me. I know he gave me the experience of nannying for my friend for a month so I could be around her little angels and feel love and light in my life again. I think He has given me this new job opportunity so that I can learn and progress in new ways. Hopefully I don't blow it. haha.
I am grateful.
About a month and a half after my miscarriage, my sweet friend in our ward asked if I could possibly babysit her little girls just two or three times a week while she worked. I was slightly hesitant, but I decided that it would be a positive thing for me to stay busy while I continued to look for long-term employment. I didn't really comprehend what a huge part of my healing this babysitting gig would be.
Her two little ones are the cutest children you'll ever meet in your life. Her chubby eighteen month old is full of giggles, snuggles, and laughter. Every time I buzz at the door, she toddles over and yelps from the other side, "Ashee! Ashee!" No matter where I'm sitting, she quickly finds me, turns her backside to me, and slowly backs up her cute bum until it safely rests on my lap. She's the happiest little person I've ever seen. Her four year old sister is just as sweet - creative, sassy, fun, and so so tender-hearted. We had lots of fun making play stores with fake money and items for sale, baking cookies, having dance parties in the living room, and going for lots of nature hunts. It dawned on me one day while the littlest was sitting with me on the couch watching Disney Jr. and being particularly snugly, that I wasn't as sad as I was several weeks before. I realized what a gift I'd been given. These little girls that I'd grown to love like my own nieces, had brought so much love and laughter to my broken heart. They made me feel like everything was going to be ok and while I anxiously wait for my own children, I realized that part of my mission in this life is to be a loving influence in the lives of my friend's children.
Several weeks later, my bishop informed me of an open position at his company. It was a field that frankly I haven't had much experience in, so I was hesitant about whether I'd be interested in the job. But as I submitted my resume and proceeded with several interviews, I got more and more excited about this new challenge. A week ago I was offered the position and my first day is tomorrow. I am of course feeling the normal anxieties and insecurities that usually plague me when embarking on new journeys, but I feel a sense of excitement about the future that I haven't felt in a while. I have no idea what successes, failures, joys and sorrows are in my future. I do know, however, that God is personally aware of me. I know he gave me the experience of nannying for my friend for a month so I could be around her little angels and feel love and light in my life again. I think He has given me this new job opportunity so that I can learn and progress in new ways. Hopefully I don't blow it. haha.
I am grateful.
Comments