Carta De Amor Numero Tres

February 12, 2005

Elder Willis,

I wish that I could watch these last few minutes on a video tape. Blair, I’m going to Brazil!!! I get to go on a mission, pal. I really get to go! My nose gets that stinging feeling and my eyes start to leak every time I realize what really is going on here. Perhaps you can relate with the indescribable nature of what it feels like to get a mission call. It’s such a collage of feelings and emotions.

I went home on Tuesday night to open up my call. It only took a week to get it. I guess Heavenly Father is aware of my anxieties and lack of patience. It was just me and my parents there. I sat there and looked at the white envelope for about five minutes, too afraid to open it. I think my dad was ready to seize the envelope and open it himself if I didn’t hurry up. They kind of laughed at me as I asked if we could say a prayer. That prayer was the beginning of the giving of my heart. I asked the Lord to please help me. I know that wherever I was called would be where I was needed. I asked that I would love the people and serve them with all of my heart. I didn’t have a marvelous vision or overwhelming experience as I read the words aloud. But I felt peace and excitement. It’s only in humble moments (which are rare) that I start to feel how much I already love these people and want to help them find the Savior.

It’s been a bit of a shock for the past couple of days. Is it supposed to seem real yet? I can’t imagine myself speaking Portuguese or living in another country! Blair, we can write letters in Portuguese! I know you think that you have the “better form” of Portuguese but it’ll be fun anyway. I’m sure I’ll need your help.

Everyone thinks I’m crazy for going on a mission just as you’re getting home. Truthfully, I question my sanity at times as well. But I got an answer, my friend, and I’m afraid of what would happen if I followed my own inclinations instead. So I’m going to jump! Before putting my papers in I had to come to terms with the fact that you’ll probably be married when I finish my journey. There was one night several weeks ago that I was feeling particularly sick about it. I was sitting at my desk with my hands on my head when I looked over my shoulder at a picture of me and you. In an instant I was on my brown garage floor rug helping you put your shoes on before you left to Portugal. You said, “I’m a little scared, Ash. But I’m not going to show em’ I’m scared.” Somehow over the gaps of time, an ocean, and many moons I heard you whisper, “Have courage, Ash.”

Blair, Heavenly Father helped me that night through the memory of my best friend. You’re the reason I finally have the courage to go. So thank you! I’m learning that a large component of this thing we call love is simply faith and hope. I love you, my dear friend. And because of that I have faith enough to leave. I have faith that our Father in Heaven will lead both our lives to the roads that will help us the most. And whether that road of mine crosses yours matters not. I’m finally returning my dirty old wooden blocks and helping Him to build the castle He has always dreamed of for me. I don’t have all the answers and I don’t intend on having them any time soon. But what I have felt and experienced is enough to endure to my destination.

Love,

Ashley