A Tale Of Two Specimens

There are few things as embarrassing as giving specimen samples.
I take that back.
Now that we're on the topic I'm beginning to think of all sorts of things that are just as embarrassing (giving birth, tucking your skirt into your underwear, etc). We'll have to save those for another day though.

I sometimes think that physicians and their stethoscope cronies get a big kick out of making us humans look like a bunch of mindless monkeys. And the truth of it is we are. Civilian oafs willing to follow our doctor's orders. We want to get better regardless of the price, so when the blue suited man tells us to go home and come back tomorrow with a cup of urine and a scoop of doody, we don't think twice.

It all seems pretty reasonable until you walk into the waiting room with your disgusting display of humans dregs in hand. As you sign your name on the chart at the front desk, you plead with the receptionist to kindly take the specimen bottles to the back room while you sit in the waiting room line. She thinks she's being kind when she closes her makeup compact and cheerfully tells you, "Oh no honey, just go ahead and hold onto those until you see the doctor."Darn . I think this is the part where the doctors are all huddled around the video camera laughing at my bright red face as I pick up my bottle of doody and walk to my chair.

By this time everyone in the waiting room has become aware of what I'm holding. I'm no longer a friendly looking lady with a polka dot shirt and a pink handbag. I'm the poop lady. People inconspicuously slide their chairs in the other direction. Parents frantically herd their children to the other side of the room to watch the TV. They seem to think I'm a terrorist waiting to unleash my biological weapon. I feel awkward and they're completely on edge until the moment that the blessed 80's hairdo receptionist calls my name and giggles as I carry my plastic cups back to the doctor's office.

What I meant to tell you was that I went to the doctor today.
Slight kidney infection.
Luckily my trustee specimen samples showed that I'll be just fine with a smidgen of antibiotics and a couple of donuts. I prescribed that last part for myself.

Four donut holes of sugar helps the medicine go down, right?

Happy specimens.