The Chronicles Of Milo

Meet Milo.

The pet dog of my soon to be deceased boss.  

Don't feel bad for my boss or think me rash.  It's common knowledge that leaving a perfectly kind-hearted (okay maybe not perfectly) and willing employee your un-potty trained weenie dog = death penalty. True.  Look it up. 

We've been house-sitting for almost one week now and I'll be honest, this is a nice stroll through purgatory.  Within the first three hours of watching Milo, three bad things happened.  First, I locked myself out of the house.  Second, Milo decided to run out of the yard and around the neighborhood at Olympic speeds, dodging cars in his path.  Third, as I'm holding Milo waiting for the locksmith to let me into the house for a mere $59 mind you (I'm totally in the wrong profession by the way), Milo decided to poop all over me.  You heard me right. Poop! Dog Poop! 

I'm starting to smell like Milo.  Today as I was sitting in a meeting, I opened my mouth to say something and all I could smell was the wretched stench of Milo.  I quickly closed my mouth and did an ever so casual fake yawn into my cupped hand.  I nearly gagged as I smelled my breath circling around in my fleshy mask. Oh my dog breath! How does that even happen? How can dog breath be contagious?! 

My marriage is suddenly all about this stinky dog.  Blair wakes up in the morning at six o'clock to get Milo out of his crate to go to the bathroom and then brings the dog to the bed to snuggle with us.  He lays in between us and stirs every time we sneak our arms across the bed to touch each other. Whenever Blair kisses me in the kitchen, Milo starts barking and tries to get Blair to stop.  Our conversations now revolve around this creature.  Fifty percent of our conversations now consist of "How's Milo? Did he poop? Did he pee? Good." Is this what happens when you have children? Are those the same questions you ask? 

Despite his stinkiness I must admit that I'm kind of falling in love with this little dog.  I love how he follows me around the house and looks at me with those adorable big brown eyes.  I like how he's a little bit stubborn about taking the lead when we go on walks.  I love that he snuggles up to me and falls asleep.

Good feelings aside, I'm still counting down the days until the dog breath era ends. 

Night night, Milo.